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Go get mommy a cocktail.
I don't like candy. It dulls my anger.
Your screaming child makes me happy I'm on the pill.
You're the only man whose balls I don't want to clamp in a vice.
Cupid can't be trusted.
This holiday makes me wanna set myself on fire.
You're the only woman I haven't wanted to bury in the back yard.
"...And then I shot him and put him in my trunk."
Crap, this crystal ball is just a paperweight.
I’m so tired of working with assholes.
You've always been like a sister to me..