“But officer, it’s the only thing that works for my cramps...”
Go get mommy a cocktail.
I don't like candy. It dulls my anger.
Your screaming child makes me happy I'm on the pill.
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Sorry, you lost me at Jewish carpenter.
Happy New Year
It's beginning to look a lot like...
The grass is always greener.
Hurry up and leave so I can miss you.
On the highway to hell, a bike lane is unnecessary
Crap, this crystal ball is just a paperweight.