Anytime

Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.

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Are my pants still on?

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As long as we keep making 80 cents to your dollar, you have to pay for dinner.

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But officer, it's the only thing that works for my cramps.

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Fool me once shame on you...

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Gentlemen, start your engines...

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Go get mommy a cocktail.

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Hurry up and leave so I can miss you.

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I can't live each day as if it were my last.

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I don't like candy. It dulls my anger.

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I never understood the phrase, "Make an honest woman out of me."

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I'm Sorry

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If I were a gay astrologer, I'd be making non-stop Uranus jokes.

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If you always go back to your place, you never have to do the walk of shame.

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If you build it, he will come...

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If you try to kill me with kindness, I will come back from the grave and stab you.

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If you're going to drive 80 in a 55, make sure you're wearing lip gloss.

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Jesus take the wheel

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Laughter may be the best medicine, but whiskey gets the job done too.

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Lunchtime Facelift

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