We put the 'Sin' in Sincerely Yours
Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.
Are my pants still on?
As long as we keep making 80 cents to your dollar, you have to pay for dinner.
But officer, it's the only thing that works for my cramps.
Does this women's interest magazine make my ass look fat?
Go get mommy a cocktail.
Hurry up and leave so I can miss you.
I don't like candy. It dulls my anger.
If I were a gay astrologer, I'd be making non-stop Uranus jokes.
If you always go back to your place, you never have to do the walk of shame.
If you try to kill me with kindness, I will come back from the grave and stab you.
If you're going to drive 80 in a 55, make sure you're wearing lip gloss.
Laughter may be the best medicine, but whiskey gets the job done too.
May you have diarrhea on the same day you wear a jumpsuit.
Yesterday's tequila is never a friend.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him buy you a drink.
Your screaming child makes me happy I'm on the pill.